New!! Diet Rentals

I need to move to a new apartment.

(I just felt your sympathy wash over me in a collective "oh no...poor you")

A helpful friend emailed me a property listed on a website which seemed perfect...Roomy lounge area, excellent outlook, huge balcony, and all within my price range. So I excitedly went along to inspect the property last week and have come to the following conclusion:

Wide angle lens photography on an apartment for rent is like a skinny mirror in a shop's changeroom...IT'S CRUEL! It preys on the vulnerable and the hopeful. It's the worst form of false advertising and you get totally sucked in only to learn the harsh truth when its already too late and your once bright shining hope has already turned to anger and distrust.

Maybe it was a "BEFORE and AFTER" special?

"Hi my name is Potential Apartment and I've lost over 30 square metres in only 2 weeks!!!"

BEFORE


AFTER

Thick as a brick

So I just got back from a very well earned week long escape to an isolated beach on the south coast. It was heaven...swimming, eating, swimming, eating...you get the idea.

But I have a slight problem now (apart from the constant pining for another beach holiday). Its my tan. You see...some people go chocolate brown. Some people go golden brown (And yes yes, some people get burnt to a crisp and I'm sorry, you may stop reading if you wish). But I'm different. I always struggled to come up with a name for the colour I become. Until last week when I got back from my fabulous holidays and a friend of mine exclaimed:

"Oh my god you're so tanned! Just like terracotta"

She nailed it. I'm terracotta. I'm ochre. I'm the colour of a roof tile, or a brick...in other words, baked clay. You remember the guy from The Fantastic Four...the guy made of rock? Yeah I look a bit like that.

Here is a picture of me when I got back from holidays.