Walking just ahead of me was a young, attractive, fabulously dressed female in her early twenties, clearly on her way to the newest, coolest place in town. But it was not her up-to-the-minute hair cut, or her perfect mix of accessories that caught my eye. Oddly, she appeared to be impersonating a robot or a zombie from Michael Jackson’s Thriller (before they break into dance). When I looked down, I expected to see her leg in a cast or in the mouth of a savage dog. But no, the reason for her impairment was an ailment that affects many women, young and old, of every size and shape: Fashionable Shoe Syndrome (FSS).
FSS is not fatal, but it can have lasting, crippling effects. It is not clinically contagious, but is most often found running rife through similarly minded women who spend time together, particularly on weekends or at hen’s nights. It is most prevalent in women in their late teens, twenties through to mid thirties, often petering out as women produce children or develop a taste for comfort. FSS is triggered by the countless fashion glossies at the newsagency (both local and International), websites such as Net-A-Porter, the Sex and the City Movie, Rosemount Fashion Week and Cosmopolitan Shoes in
I myself have had FSS from time to time, mostly developed over a lengthy period of exposure to particular strains that may otherwise not affect me if I was sitting down at dinner (instead of dancing and then walking home). I imagine most of you have experienced something similar at some point. However, I hesitate to expose myself to this ailment after having witnessed this poor girl’s painful and absurd gait. I am adamant that I would rather look short yet mobile, than so-right-now and physically impaired. Spare a moment to consider the ill effects…and fight FSS!!
Well, at least until Friday night…
The evil yet hot culprits...
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4 comments:
How I remember well the pain of FSS after the nuptials of D&N. Remember those towering infernos I was in Cat? I remember you were sensible and changed into the flats you'd brought with you. I, on the other hand, was too vain (tipsy) to realise the pain I was in... It took my feet weeks to recover and I haven't worn the things since.
Now, you should see the very sensible Blundstone boots I am wearing now.
Of course I remember the towering infernos Kimberley...they were so HOT!
Sadly, towering infernos always are.
And BTW, Blundstone boots are very much IN according to the Antipodium show at last week's Rosemount Fashion Festival. Hooray for sensible!
I myself suffered from a terrible bout of FSS throughout the final quarter of my teen years, primarily due to the return of the platform heel in the late nineties. God only knows how I managed to get up onto those podiums without twisting my ankle (or worse). A friend and I coined the term “morgue feet” to describe the state of our tootsies as we ate poached eggs on toast at 6am the morning after. I wouldn’t be caught dead in a pair of them nowadays except if I was being paid to wear them and allowed to swap them for my havaianas’ at frequent intervals.
For a number of years I have opted for the less debilitating state of comfort that you touched upon, which I like to refer to as CFO, or Care Factor Zero. I am much more content now and I too delight in the amusing endeavours of those poor, afflicted members of the female species.
All said and done, being part of a bridal party or even just a guest at a wedding certainly does have a remarkable power over the feet and their ability to withstand the onslaught of killer heels. Why is it so? The mind boggles!
You're so right...CF0 is where I want to be. It's where I am most of the time (despite the ever growing number of high heels that are accumulating in my spare room).
I believe there are 3 reasons why we can withstand the hideous pain of killer heels at weddings (and Fashion Week for that matter):
1. They makes our butts and legs look a million times better than flats...and since there will be a thousand photos and full length feature film made of the day, it's best to get all the help we can from every angle.
2. I don't know about you, but being drunk TOTALLY helps.
3. And whatever it is that gets released from our brains after childbirth to make women forget the pain...
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